We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize