He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
