drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
