did you get engaged???
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
