Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
