I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
