It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
