Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
