would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize