The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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