mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
