If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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