party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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