she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Houston, we have a squirter
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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