Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
