Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
