i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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