I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
