About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
