I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize