He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
