he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize