come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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