I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
