woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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