No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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