i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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