U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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