no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
