Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
