I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sober January is a disaster.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
