Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
