Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize