We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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