I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
