I have demons in me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
