Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
