# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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