Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
