After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
