I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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