So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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