Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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