69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Randomize
