I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
