Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
