Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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