She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
