What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
kristin has been a bad kristin
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
