The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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