I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
