like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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