Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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