The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
