I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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