She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Shame is for Republicans.
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