i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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