he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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