So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
