Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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