Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The feeling are messing with the penis
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
