She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
