He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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