Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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