discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
