i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
