i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize