best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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