if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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