So drunk its hurt
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
