good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
