what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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