It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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